What’s your opinion on teens getting involved in social networking and online chat rooms? I’ve read some of the teen conversations on the sites my daughter wants to visit, and they seem relatively harmless. But I’m still afraid of losing control over my child’s interactions with her peers. Should I be concerned?

Your parental instincts are right on target. While the internet can be a wonderful educational and communication tool, it can also be a dangerous place for unsuspecting young teens. According to a Congressional report, one out of five kids has been solicited online for sex, usually by someone they met in a chat room or through instant messaging. The Kaiser Family Foundation tells us that 70 percent of teenage internet users have accidentally encountered pornography on the web, and that half of those kids said they were very upset by the experience. We’ve all heard horror stories about teens and pre-teens being abducted and raped by sexual predators whom they met online.

Bottom line: As parents, it’s our responsibility to protect our children from the many risks they face in today’s toxic culture. Our recommendation is that you become intentional about that and implement a specific plan designed to set up a hedge around your daughter’s innocence. Start by talking to her about the responsible use of the web. It’s possible that she’s completely oblivious of the dangers lurking there. Make her aware of some of the more unsavory situations that can unfold on the internet – for example, how the guy she talks to in a chat room who claims to be a cute 16-year-old boy might actually be a 55-year-old convicted sex offender. Once you’ve had this discussion, tell her that, in order to ensure her safety, you’re going to be setting up some new guidelines for using the web.

Let’s get even more practical. Here at Focus on the Family, we take the view that parents should never, ever allow a child to have a computer with internet access in his or her private bedroom. In our opinion, this is a recipe for disaster. If this is the situation in your household, you’re going to need to make some changes. Move the computer to a common area of the house, such as the kitchen or family room, where mom and dad can easily look over your daughter’s shoulder to see what kind of sites she’s visiting.

It would also be an excellent idea to invest in internet filtering software or sign up with a provider that blocks objectionable websites and allows for parental monitoring. There are also software programs available that will allow you to keep track of every key stroke your child makes when sending an e-mail or an instant message. In addition, you can restrict the chat rooms she visits to so-called “safe chats” that are monitored by adult hosts who work for the internet provider. These hosts will report any suspicious communication to law enforcement and will block access to users who send inappropriate messages to others.

It’s important to explain that you’re not implementing these changes out of a desire to “spy,” but rather to make sure that your child is protected from harmful influences or dangerous people. If she complains that you’re “violating her privacy,” make it clear that you will do your best to respect her online conversations with friends, but point out that, as a minor living under your roof, her privacy is limited.

Many parents find it helpful to write up an “internet use contract” spelling out what sites their children are allowed to visit, how long they are allowed to stay online, and what to do if someone they’re communicating with requests personal information or says something that makes them uncomfortable. Both parents and kids should sign this contract and agree on the consequences that will result if the rules are violated.
If you have further questions or concerns, we hope you’ll call our Counseling department.